A friend of mine recently asked me for some advice, and, true to my nature, I passed along advice that someone else had given me. This had me thinking about all of the great pieces of advice and words of wisdom that I have received over the years. Since everyone loves lists, here is my list of wise words. What's the best advice someone has given you? 1. Don't date someone for his/her potential.
This advice came to me from Jenny West. I had just experienced a break-up, and the guy in question wasn't ready to live in to the future that we had talked about. I don't know how I ended up talking with Jenny, but her words have stuck with me. She continued, "The future is a lie." The potential that you hope for in someone may never happen. For me, I realized that Jenny had called out a pattern. I kept trying to make my date someone that I needed him to be - and that I thought he could be. But that future is a lie. The end result was typically me becoming increasingly frustrated that he didn't see his own potential. So, date someone for who he or she is in the current moment. If you aren't satisfied with where that person is in life, then move on. 2. Don't work harder for other people than they are willing to work for themselves, but do work hard for other people. Preston Fields, my long time colleague and dear friend taught me this one. We worked together administering a scholarship for college students who had often come from some pretty rough circumstances. Many of them needed more mentoring than the average first-year college student. Preston would go to extreme lengths to help someone who needed it - giving grace where it was called for, making trips and calls all around the city to help someone over a hurdle. But sometimes, a student would be less than appreciative, or unwilling to hold up his end of the deal. This part was hard for me, an Preston helped me to see that I needed to learn to direct my energy towards those who understand the partnership, not those who expect me to do all the work. 3. People don't leave jobs; people leave supervisors. Carrie McConkey, a career services expert, shared this wisdom with me when I was going through some job shifting. I have found this to be true both in my experiences and those of friends and family. I have stayed in jobs where the situation was less than favorable (low pay, bad hours, little support) because the supervisor was fabulous. I have left jobs that paid well because the supervisors were difficult. Turnover is expensive. If you are in a supervisory position, remember these words! If you support your people, then they will generally be loyal to you. Job seekers - remember these words too! If a job seems great but the supervisor is a jerk, it's probably not a good long-term placement. 4. Never hire someone you can't fire. This one came from my dad, Ralph. I think it's great advice to live by. I have certainly put myself in the awkward position of using a friend or relative for some job and being unsatisfied with the results. Firing someone (or simply going elsewhere for services) is never easy, and when you add the complication of relationships, it is just not worth it. Getting recommendations for a dentist from someone at church is one thing, but going to your church friend for a cleaning is another. If you don't like the experience, it will be hard to avoid an awkward encounter - when he reminds you that you are due for a cleaning. 5. Sleep on it for 24 hours. This advice might not be unique, but it's a rule that we had in our family. Whenever I found something big that I wanted to buy (emptying my piggy bank in the process), my parents made me wait at least a day. Sometimes, I would wake up itching to head back to the store to make the thing mine. More often, though, I would wake up less enthusiastic than the day before, and would often decided that I would keep saving for something different. I think this idea can go beyond spending, too. In college, sometimes I would find myself annoyed with a friend for something he or she did/said. Instead of confronting the issue right away, I learned to sleep on it. Often, a day to think would reveal that the issue was more about me being tired or stressed and less about the other person's actions. This philosophy helped me to avoid some unnecessary arguments. 6. You know it's been a good summer when your feet get tan. Besides being one of the funniest people I know, Doug Renalds is also full of great wisdom. I don't remember when he said this to me; it could have been when I was in college and he was my scholarship director / mentor. It could have been in the 10 years since my graduation, since I am proud to say we are still in touch. Either way, I know that during the summer, when I get ready to hop in the shower or slip on my shoes, I look down at my feet and smile. Having tan feet means that I spent some time outside - probably playing with my kids or sightseeing. When I see my tan feet, I realize that I am living a privileged life - and I should try not to take it for granted. 7. There are some people we cannot save. There are no people we cannot love. I heard Bart Campolo speak at the Samuel DeWitt Proctor Conference for Children's Advocacy, a week long conference run by the Children's Defense Fund. He was talking about how he and his family moved to a highly depressed neighborhood in order to share Christ's love with the people who live in the margins. Someone asked Campolo if he was ever frustrated with the addicts who do not recover or the homeless who do not want homes. I loved his response here. He reminded those listening that our job as Christians is to love people, not to save them. Leave that to God. (This conference, by the way, is a close to the Beloved Kingdom as anything I have ever experienced. If you can go, it is well worth your time. If you live near Knoxville, you can listen to the Great Preacher Series each evening for free. Click HERE for more info.) (The next few pieces of advice on my list come from Rev. Anne McKee. She was my boss for 7 years, but remains my minister, mentor, and friend. She is one of the wisest people I know! This is just a small sample of all she has taught me.) 8. You don't get a vote on who your kids date. Thankfully, my kids are not to this stage yet, but I do know some parents who have struggled with this. When your child begins to date someone that you think might not be "good enough" for your kid, the temptation is to tell the child that he/she can do better. RESIST this temptation! If you force your child to choose between you and someone of romantic interest, you are risking losing your relationship with your child. Behind closed doors, you can share your frustrations with your friends or spouse, but don't force your kid to choose. Honor their choice by providing a welcoming space for this new person, and pray that all you have taught will lead your children figure out on their own the kind of person they want to end up with. 9. Planning a wedding is a mini-marriage. Wedding planning is really stressful. The process can really dampen the excitement of two people who are hoping to begin a life together. When I was beginning my own wedding planning, Anne told me to think of this as a practice for marriage. Married life will have stress - and much of that stress will involve family, money, and compromise. Planning a wedding is ALL ABOUT juggling these elements. Though I still got stressed out when planning, I looked at it as good stress that was preparing me for my married life. This idea gives those arguments good purpose, which can keep a couple focused on more than just one day, but on the life that they are building. 10. When people are experiencing grief, don't ignore it. Tragic situations happen all of the time, and most of us don't know the best ways to respond. Once, a student lost her father to cancer during her senior year of college. The campus was really supportive; she took time off classes so she could be with family, and the professors were very understanding. Many people from campus drove to the funeral to show love to the student. After she returned, though, people didn't quite know what to do. People didn't want to talk to this student about her dad because they didn't want to "upset" her. This experience is very common, and those of us on this side of grief are sincere in not wanting to make someone upset. The truth, however, is that she was thinking of her dad all the time. Everyone around is just going about the day, and she is thinking about her dad. We don't want our loved ones to be forgotten, so it's hard when no one around wants to bring it up - so not to upset us. Asking a simple question, "Tell me about your dad" can give a grieving person space to keep the memory alive.
2 Comments
Marie
7/5/2015 11:22:43 pm
Several of these really struck a cord with me, the supervisor one and the grief one. so much truth there. Good words!
Reply
Carolyn Lovelace
7/5/2015 11:36:26 pm
Wow, again! You are wiser than your years would suggsst, dear daughter!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Diana CurtisWife, mom, stepmom, writing instructor, handbell ringer, choir singer, calligrapher, and expert napper. Archives
December 2017
|